-Dumnezeule, ce vanataie ai!
-Da, e de la pisica!
-O asa vanataie imensa?
-Da, m-a lovit sotia cu pisica in cap!
-Judecand dupa vanataie, pisica e facuta parf!
-Da de unde! N-a avut nici pe naiba ca era din bronz!

-De ce au incrucisat oltenii porumbelul voiajor cu papagalul?
-Sa poata intreba, in caz ca se rataceste!

Baiatul: Nu pot merge la scoala azi.

Tatal: De ce nu?

Baiatul: Nu ma simt bine

Tatal: Unde nu te simti bine?

Baiatul: La scoala!

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man:
– That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen, I said. That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.
The man turned to me and said:
– Yeah, it is. He hated the book.

P.S. Daca nu stiti engleza dati si voi pe google translate

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud.

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word
in each line from the top.
Betcha you can’t resist passing it on.

Pentru cei care stiu engleza :):P

My ex wife’s cunt is like the White House.
No bush and there’s a black guy in it now.

-Aţi reţinut numărul maşinii care v-a lovit?
-Nu.
-Atunci,de ce ziceţi c-a fost soacra dvs.?
-Ştiţi,ea rîde rar,da şi cînd rîde…

– D-le doctor, imi tremura mainile tot timpul.
– Bei mult?
– Nu, mai mult dau pe jos….

– Ce face sotul dumneavoastra in Parlamentul European? o intreaba un reporter pe sotia domnului Becali.
– Nu stiu, raspunse ea. Dar din cate am auzit, am inteles ca play-back.

Doi muncitori au de facut o lucrare. Seful trece in control:
-Ce faci ba aici? il intreaba pe unul dintre ei
-Nimic, stau!
-Si tu?
-Eu il ajut!

-Cum te-ai hotarat sa-i dai fata lui Nae, stiu ca nu-l suporti?
-Si ce pedeapsa mai mare stii tu decat sa-i fie nevasta-mea soacra?

Prietena mea mi-a spus ca s-a saturat si ma paraseste.

Am umplut-o de iubire…pana la refuz.

Fuego feat. Smiley & Alex Velea – Brazi verzi pe pereti
Fuego feat. Ruby – Stinge instalatia
Fuego feat. Smiley – Brad impodobit walking
Fuego feat. PSY – Impodobeste Style
Fuego feat. Guess Who – Decat sa impodobesti
Fuego feat. Loredana – Instalatia
Fuego feat. Inna – Podoabele si eu
Fuego feat. Flo-Rida – I decorate
Fuego feat. Andra – K la impodobit
Fuego feat. Andrei Leonte – Te impodobesc cat 2
Fuego feat. O-zone – Dragostea din brad
Fuego feat. Justin Bieber – As long as you impodobeste me
Fuego feat. Taxi – Te impodobesc Non-stop

-Ospatar, nu valoreaza cine stie ce vinul vostru!
-Domnul se insala, o sa vada imediat nota de plata!

Chuck Norris se plimba cu motocicleta pe malul fluviului colorado, cand deodata, ceva i-a atras atentia si a franat brusc! Asa a aparut marele canion!